A Short Manifesto

A Short Manifesto. by Addie.

I just got home after an annoying 7 minute ride on the Passport bus. I've been planning a post for a while now, and I imagined it would have something to do with the Blue Line, but I'm feeling inspired (for lack of a better term). So, before I run off to buy stock in Pepper Spray products, I'll indulge in a rant aimed at certain charming members of the opposite gender.

Here's the story: I was on the bus tonight when I spied my least favorite fellow traveler boarding. This is a man who has accosted me conversationally before, and whom I think is most likely a pathological liar. He once claimed to be the inventor of the Peace Corps, and tonight, while reading my magazine over my shoulder and noticing that it contained a recipe of some sort, informed me that he is entitled to one free meal per day on the Queen Mary. This guy is unmistakable since he wears a 2-inch thick toupee and smells faintly of poo. My proven strategy is to hide behind a book or magazine article when I see him coming.

Well, tonight, the strategy didn't work. After giving him several one-word answers sans eye contact, he persisted in asking me where I went to high school. This topic was going to require more than one word to complete, so I said “I'm just going to read my magazine now, Ok?” I get a little punchy when strangers don't take hints.

Well, apparently I hurt Mr. Queen Mary Peace Corps' feelings with my cold rebuff. I know this because his response was to lean over even further into my space and clamp his lips together with his fingers for about 30 seconds. Boy, I sure do wish I'd gotten to know him now!

As I walked home from the bus I formulated the following manifesto for all the nosey creeps out there who know me as Susan, Julie or Paula (I'm not telling them my real name!). I know they aren't reading this blog, but I'm going to pretend for a moment that they are. I think these following principles are both logical and fair, and I've designed them to be easy to remember:

1. FUCK OFF!!! I don't want to talk to you. It's that simple. But if you require a more elaborate explanation, see nos. 2 & 3 below.

2. You do not have an inalienable right to my conversation. I am not here to entertain you, I am merely trying to get from Point A to Point B. I don't like to be bored either, so I brought a book. You should try that next time.

3. Speaking of the book, I am NOT being rude if I express my preference to continue reading rather than answer your probing questions about myself. On the contrary, you were rude to interrupt me.

As I crawled over him to get into the aisle and exit when my stop finally arrived, my lonely nemesis sadly (and not without a touch of bitterness) said, “Now I'll get out of your way for good.”

I hope you do sir, I hope you do.