Plato's Blue Line: The Lost Dialogue

Today, on the ride home, I had the opportunity to see someone threatened with arrest. She actually used the phrase "Here's my fuckin' ID! I'm Maria [something], and I ain't wanted for nothin'!" That's something that's never entered my reality. I've toed too many lines.

I easily noticed Maria over the Gnarls Barkley playing in my ears. She was loud, cranky and her language was laden with expletives. She was having a conversation with her friend. I think it was her friend. It was hard to tell since it consisted of yelling on Maria's part and defensive whining on her friend's part. Quite the dialogue, but not the dialogue du jour.

At Imperial Station, she noticed the sheriffs get on. There were two men, one of which I am passing familiar with and they were both armed which is a bit unusual; mostly you see unarmed Fare Inspectors. She reacted to them immediately and belligerently:

"Oh, no, not that bitch. He gave me a ticket just for walking."

She was referring to the heavyset, balding, mustachioed sheriff that I'm familiar with. (Actually he looks a bit like a fat Bruno Kirby with less hair...) My experience with him has been fine. He's polite when he asks to see your pass and patient while you dig it out. He can afford to be paitient. He's packing heat. Maria clearly did not think so highly of him.

Maria was standing three feet from me so I thought: "Hmm... Time to mute the lovely neo-soul music: this could be good." I wasn't disappointed. The conversation was like Plato's dialogues, only... not.

Maria's friend tried to get her to chill, but I don't think that chillin' is in Maria's nature. One thing led to another and Bruno and his side-kick made their way to where we were and began a dialogue to make Plato weep with sorrow.

Bruno: "You need to quiet down, ma'am."

[See? Polite.]

Maria: "What the fuck do i need to quiet down for? I got rights!"

[Hmm... Now I'm intrigued. She's an activist.]

Bruno: "You have the right to be quiet..."

[What? I begin to squirm in my seat from illogic.]

Bruno (con't): "Or you can get off the train!"

Maria (louder than usual): "You bet your ass I'm gettin' off this m*****f***** train!"

[This is the point where he asks for her ID. She asked what for.]

Bruno: "For being loud."

Maria: "You just gave me a fuckin' ticket for walking. I got rights!"

Bruno: "You got the right to be quiet or I'm gonna arrest you!"

At this point they got off of the train and Bruno gave Maria a ticket. It was clear that neither one knew where the other was coming from.

Here's the thing: Maria doesn't have the right to disturb the rest of us. But ol' Bruno was implying that not only does she need to be quiet on the train, but she should be fighting for the right to be allowed to be quiet. Who's out there saying: "This man is infringing my right to be quiet, by forcing me to be loud"? Almost no one, I'd wager.

He should have said something like:

"These nice people on the train have a right to ride without you disturbing them. You're infringing their rights. That's why you have to quiet down."

Then it hits me: people have problems with The Man not because the man is inherently evil or in the wrong, but because The Man is often too stupid to explain itself properly. Or maybe it's just another case of The Man keeping you quiet.

A Short Manifesto

A Short Manifesto. by Addie.

I just got home after an annoying 7 minute ride on the Passport bus. I've been planning a post for a while now, and I imagined it would have something to do with the Blue Line, but I'm feeling inspired (for lack of a better term). So, before I run off to buy stock in Pepper Spray products, I'll indulge in a rant aimed at certain charming members of the opposite gender.

Here's the story: I was on the bus tonight when I spied my least favorite fellow traveler boarding. This is a man who has accosted me conversationally before, and whom I think is most likely a pathological liar. He once claimed to be the inventor of the Peace Corps, and tonight, while reading my magazine over my shoulder and noticing that it contained a recipe of some sort, informed me that he is entitled to one free meal per day on the Queen Mary. This guy is unmistakable since he wears a 2-inch thick toupee and smells faintly of poo. My proven strategy is to hide behind a book or magazine article when I see him coming.

Well, tonight, the strategy didn't work. After giving him several one-word answers sans eye contact, he persisted in asking me where I went to high school. This topic was going to require more than one word to complete, so I said “I'm just going to read my magazine now, Ok?” I get a little punchy when strangers don't take hints.

Well, apparently I hurt Mr. Queen Mary Peace Corps' feelings with my cold rebuff. I know this because his response was to lean over even further into my space and clamp his lips together with his fingers for about 30 seconds. Boy, I sure do wish I'd gotten to know him now!

As I walked home from the bus I formulated the following manifesto for all the nosey creeps out there who know me as Susan, Julie or Paula (I'm not telling them my real name!). I know they aren't reading this blog, but I'm going to pretend for a moment that they are. I think these following principles are both logical and fair, and I've designed them to be easy to remember:

1. FUCK OFF!!! I don't want to talk to you. It's that simple. But if you require a more elaborate explanation, see nos. 2 & 3 below.

2. You do not have an inalienable right to my conversation. I am not here to entertain you, I am merely trying to get from Point A to Point B. I don't like to be bored either, so I brought a book. You should try that next time.

3. Speaking of the book, I am NOT being rude if I express my preference to continue reading rather than answer your probing questions about myself. On the contrary, you were rude to interrupt me.

As I crawled over him to get into the aisle and exit when my stop finally arrived, my lonely nemesis sadly (and not without a touch of bitterness) said, “Now I'll get out of your way for good.”

I hope you do sir, I hope you do.