A Sleeper's Guide to the Blue Line

You're on the train again. You're tired. Here are some techniques you might consider. I've picked these up from watching others trying to catch 40 winks on the rails.

"The Window Washer"

Did you catch the irony? You will. This is the most common technique that you will see on the BL: just grab a window seat and put your head on the window. The drawback? Someone fairly filthy might have been there before you and left a nice grease-streak that you wouldn't dare use on your bike chain. Yuck! So you have to move on to the...

"The Head Droop"

Yes, just cradle your lunchbox in your arms and let your chin hit your chest. The drawback? (besides a stiff-as-hell neck?) Drool. Don't wear a tie that day. I saw a rotund guy conk out and never notice the thick stream of rubber cement-like saliva, cresting his pudgy lips and pooling on his USC sweatshirt. What a mess. I wouldn't want to do that. So I might try...

"The Neighbor"

Just make sure you introduce yourself before plopping your head on someone's shoulder. Addie does this to me all the time without even asking! But I don't mind. So, Mike, you may be asking yourself, what if you're just wiped out? Well, why not try...

"The Hibernator"

This technique great for those that need to seriously sleep off the rest of that hangover. Just find two free seats next to each other and lie down. But Mike, the A/C is a killer! I can't feel my feet! Don't worry, just curl up into a ball and cover yourself with a pillowy parka. You'll be so content you may not wake up until spring!

And finally:

"The Cornholio"

Some of you older folks may remember an offensive little cartoon on MTV called "Beavis and Butthead". I've never seen it myself, but it seems that the character 'Beavis' had an addictive alter-ego named 'Cornholio'. This 'Cornholio', after consuming ridiculous amounts of sugar and caffeine, would pull his tee-shirt up over head so that only his face was showing though the head hole said shirt. I saw a guy doing just that this morning when I got on the train. I guess his ears were freezing. He was using this technique in combination with "The Head Droop" with an occasional foray into the "The Window Washer". Just no focus at all, no commitment. And as he was wearing shorts, I think he would have gotten better results with "The Hibernator". Always bring your parka.